I remember the first week that we got to take Sadie home from the hospital. We had one of those big cardboard Baby Boxes from the maternity clinic and we had placed it on top of our dresser at the foot of our bed.
I worried and fussed that she would fall off the dresser in her box, and obsessively pushed it further and further back against the wall until there was No way in Hell our 3-day-old baby would be able to roll off the dresser. (New mom thoughts- the child did not move from its back-sleeping position more than one inch in any direction until at least 3 months. Anyhow- safety first.)
I had set the Baby Box up there as a pregnant lady, having no idea what was coming next. Just that a baby was coming into our house soon, we needed somewhere for it to sleep, and I wanted to be close to it when it was sleeping.
I remember putting Sadie, all swaddled up to sleep, into that box for the first time and thinking ‘Oh my God. We made a Person. We have a Person that lives in our room and sleeps in a box at the foot of our bed. This is Wild!’
I remember trying to sleep and straining my ears to hear her little noises coming from the box. At some point, I finally fell asleep.
I remember waking up at first light and feeling like it was Christmas morning. As soon as my eyelids unsealed, I remembered that there was a tiny person, sleeping in a box at the foot of my bed and I couldn’t Wait to see her!
I popped out of bed like a piece of toast and ran over to check on her. Her perfect little face, her exquisite nose. I remember my heart feeling like it was going to pop from the excitement and joy of having her in my home, and getting to wake up to her perfect little face every day.
I remember feeling bowled over by the intensity of the emotion and thinking ‘Holy Shit. These feelings are so powerful! Moms Certainly can’t feel like this for Ever! There’s got to be a point where every morning doesn’t feel like Christmas Morning anymore.’
And here we are, 13 days from Sadie’s first birthday, and she’s still my Christmas Morning. She sleeps in like her Mama, so I get the honor of waking her up every day. Every morning as I walk down the hall to her room, I’m already filling my lungs with enough air to squeal out my customary morning greeting. I swing open the door, lean into her crib and squeal ‘Baaaaabbbbbbbyyyyyyyyyy!’
And that little poppet always shoots her sleeping little head right up and gives me a Giant, rosy-cheeked, sweaty-haired ear to ear grin.
Yes, the intensity of the feelings isn’t what it was in those first few weeks of being her Mama (and thank the Lord for that!), but it’s still here, every day, that feeling of gratitude that we got to make a person, bring it into our home, and have it live with us.
My little person is almost a year old now. I have photos and videos that can show me how, but I still can’t fathom how the time passed. But I remember, like it was yesterday, bringing that little present home and wondering how long I would get to feel so much joy.
So far- there doesn’t seem to be a limit. 🙂