February 8, 2021: Little One
Little one- you are in my belly right now.
It is February 8th, 11:11 pm, and I can’t sleep.
I’m too excited thinking about you.
We found out about you on Friday, February 5th around 6 p.m. and I’m still in shock.
We were trying for you.
We were planning for you.
We were really excited for you to come along and complete our family.
And now you’re here and I still can’t believe it.
You’re no bigger than a poppyseed right now, and you already matter to me So Much.
I already love you.
I already can’t wait to meet you. Wrap my arms around you.
Mash my face into the back of your soft little head and inhale your tiny, sweet baby smell.
I’m 35 as of not even one month ago.
I feel old, and I know that’s silly, but I know that my body is going to be amazing and it’s going to carry you through like it did for your big sister almost 2 years ago.
I have an idea of what parenthood looks like, thanks to Sadie.
I have an idea of what the whole pregnancy to birth to infancy to toddlerhood journey looks like.
You might think that makes your arrival on the scene, even as a poppyseed, somehow less exciting- but it doesn’t.
I can’t Wait to watch you grow.
To see you on the ultrasound screen for that first time.
I can’t wait to hear your heart beat from inside of me.
I can’t wait to carry you around with me every minute of every day and wonder what your voice will sound like; what your face will look like, what foods you will like, what will make you laugh, and who you will become.
I can’t wait to watch you and Sadie become the very best of friends.
I can’t wait to hold you in my arms someday.
Little One- I am So excited for you.
February 17, 2021: Number Two!
That’s your name for now, until we find out more about you 🙂
I went to the doctor today!
He said I’m 6 weeks pregnant with you tomorrow!
It was SO exciting to hear him say ‘pregnant’ and ‘congratulations’ so many times.
It makes you feel so much more real.
I hope you stay!!
In one or two more weeks, I get to see your little heart beating up on an ultrasound screen.
I can’t Wait to get my first glimpse of you!!
May 19, 2021: Lucy! Emmett!
I got to hear your heartbeat again today. When I went to sleep last night, I had terrible feelings before bed that maybe you weren’t with me anymore.
I know they’re illogical and irrational, and I’m good at talking my fears down, but I just want you so much- I sometimes fear losing you.
Anyhow- today I saw your midwife Hannah for the first time in this pregnancy.
She helped welcome Sadie into the world 2 years and 5 weeks ago, and we Love her.
She got So excited to hear about you and how you came about. She knows we’re not finding out the gender before you come out, but she thinks you’re a Lucy too 🙂
She let me listen to your heartbeat before I left her office today, and I can’t even Describe the joy it brought me to hear your heart today.
It’s almost perfect that I fell asleep worrying about you last night, because it made hearing your strong, healthy heartbeat So much better today.
Hannah put the Doppler a smidge to the left of my bellybutton and pressed down and BOOM- the whole room filled with the sound of your aliveness!
Thank you for sticking with me little one; you are already So cool!!
July 9, 2021: Number Two!
The word in my head right now is ‘busy’.
I’ve just snuck out of your sister’s room (she’s having some trouble falling asleep these days when your Daddy is away on business), and it’s 1:00 am.
I’m rubbing my belly and thinking about you and about 100 other things.
And I got a little pang of guilt because my life when I was pregnant with Sadie was So Much Slower, and I had So Much More time to dwell on her, and her pregnancy, and who she was going to be.
And with you- life is so, so different from my last pregnancy.
I have a toddler. I have a fairly demanding full time job in an atypically busy real estate market.
And I’m trying to plan your Daddy and I’s wedding now (for the third time… third time’s the charm, right?).
At my work, I’m helping out with finding the perfect replacement for when I go on mat leave with you, and I’m busy lining up the training manual for my coverage while I’m away for the year, and I’ve just gotten an offer to start up some freelance writing work again on the side.
Blog posts about this pregnancy with you and about life with your sister float around in my head all the time, but I can never seem to find the time to lock them down in physical form.
All these thoughts are going through my head, and I felt guilty for thinking of so many other things that aren’t about you-
Until I realized-
They’re All about You.
I had given up trying to plan another wedding with your Daddy after moving away from Canmore and having to book a new wedding location, and then having the new Calgary wedding cancelled due to Covid.
Your Dad and I are in it for Life- that much I know.
So the wedding hasn’t seemed important anymore.
But then a few weeks ago, I started thinking about how my little Lucy Naomi Schofield or Emmett (Surprise Middle Name TBD) Schofield is going to be here soon.
Sadie Greta Schofield is already here, and we’re all waiting for you.
Except- I’m still an Emily Kreiberg.
And I want So Badly for your whole family to share the same last name.
So my big push again to actually have an on-paper marriage to your father- it’s because of you.
And all the time that I’m putting into my career, and finding the perfect fit for my mat leave coverage, and honing my training manual so that it’s Just Perfect- that’s all for you too.
If the right person takes over my job, and they can learn my role quickly and effectively, I can Completely relax on my year away from work- with You.
And now that it’s almost mid-July, and we’re just about to go on a week-long family vacation that puts me back at work on July 26th- it’s finally starting to strike me.
I have the month of August, and then the month of September, to keep being so Busy.
And then- October 1st- I’m off work.
And I can start nesting.
Preparing for you.
And somewhere between October 1st and 14th- you’ll Be HERE.
Here in my Arms.
Here in this Bed.
Here in my Life- in this tangible, physical, wonderful way.
It’s so soon I can almost feel the weight of you in my arms right now.
I just wanted you to know-
I’m so, so busy.
And even then-
I am Always, Always thinking of you.